Goodbye my dear friend

Well it happened. This morning Jeffrey Dale Drake Sr. passed away at 4:55 am. I am so sad...sad for myself, sad for his wife, sad for his children. He will be dearly missed! Please God keep him with you and bring his family peace. He was a good friend, husband and father and his wife is an amazing person who most definately does not deserve this. I will miss you Jeff, but I will remember you always and help you live on in our hearts and our memories forever! I know that I still have Andi, Bren, Bekah and Jr. and that is a gift in itself. May you rest in peace my friend.

The Lord Giveth and He Taketh Away...

This was a verse in a song that we sang at MOPS today and when Raquel spoke on it I lost it. My very dear friend Jeff is dying. That is so hard to say. He has a wife, whom I love dearly too, and 3 children, Bren (18), Bekah (14) and Jeffrey Jr (2). We have been friends for a very long time and I always thought he would be around. He's one of those honery types that you assume will outlive anything and everything. Strongwilled and stubborn. And Andi, his wife, is the most sweet, down to earth, loving and patient person you will ever meet. She is amazing. They have always had a complex relationship that would only work between the two of them. They are good together. Jeff is an alcoholic...has been for many years. His liver has failed him and his kidneys have failed him and now they have him on morphine and adavan until the rest shuts down. As of today they have given him 24-48 hours to live. I can't believe that I am losing my friend, and my friend is losing her husband and their kids are losing their father. It's so hard to accept and rationalize. I went to see him the other day and I don't even know if he realized I was there. Did he know it was me? Does he know I love him? Does he know that I will stand by his wife forever? I hope so. It was so hard seeing him just lying there. In so much pain and so incoherent. He is so young, too young to die! This is so unfair. I wish I had some miracle to work....some key to unlock the healing he would need to survive. I feel so helpless. I don't want to lose my friend. I want him here to sit on my couch while we bbq and watch Nascar or Football or do fireworks for the 4th of July. I will miss his laugh, his smile, his sense of humor and all of his stobborness. I love you Jeffrey Dale...I am so happy that I had you as a friend for the time that I did. I hope that you have found God and I hope that you have reconciled with Him. I hope to see you in heaven one day! May God bring you peace my friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZAYNA!!!

my Zayna is 13 today. 13 years ago I was lying in a hospital bed holding the most beautiful and precious gift. I was only 17 and she was only 4 hours old. She came so quickly...she must have already loved me enough to go easy on me! My life had changed and I had NO idea just how much. She was in the hospital for a couple of days and after she was able to come home she had to go back for a couple more. I thought that this was the worst thing in the world. I felt so helpless and I there was NO way I was leaving her at the hospital alone. She was jondice and had to spend 48 hours under UV lights. Once it was all over and I had her home for good we began to settle in. She was the most wonderful baby. She slept through the night from day 1, she never cried...I had to feed her on a schedule because she was so content. She made everything so easy. Teething was a breeze and if she was ever not feeling well the only way I would know was by checking her temp. She grew to be the most content and well behaved toddler...no a tantrum, not an arguement and she always said please and thank you in the cutest little voice. Zayna has truly been a gift. She has always been a great kid with a great personality and now she is a great teenager!! My first born, my baby. WOW...it is still so hard for me to believe that she is 13. I remember when this day seemed so far away and before I know she is going to be 18 and out of high school. I am so sad as a mommy that my little girl is growing up so fast yet I am so proud of the young woman she is growing into. Last night we had a party for her and I gave her a promise ring along with a letter from the heart. I will never forget the day she was born or any day there after!!

Dear Zayna,

today is your birthday and I still cannot believe that you are 13 years old. You have grown into an absolutely beautiful teenager!! I know how difficult it can be being a teenage girl. You are venturing into a world of more responsibility, more expectations, more peer pressures and your body and your emotions are changing so fast. The next few years are going to be even more overwhelming, but I know that you can handle them with grace and dignity!! I want you to know that I am always here for you and there isn't a thing that life can bring your way that we cannot face together! I love you with all of my heart. I am giving you this gift that was given to me by Nana and Papa for my 8th grade graduation. Although I am hoping that it will serve a different purpose for you. I would like this gift to serve as your promise to God, to yourself and to me and your dad that you will have enough respect for yourself, your morals and your values and that you will wait for the man that God has set aside just for you. This is a very personal and important decision and if you make the correct one you will be truly rewarded when the time is right. Stay on your path, keep your eyes on your goals and trust and love your family. You will always be my little girl, my baby, but I do understand that you are now a young lady and I respect that. Don't ever forget that nothing will ever change my love for you! You are my heart!! Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

Love,

Mom